The mask of a human

Greetings earthlings :)

A bit late for doing this but a great procrastinator I am this is unavoidable.

In 2015, getting straight A's in the national exam was something that I never imagined honestly.I just stu(died) for the sake of my parents and because that's what most student did right?

Secured a scholarship to study abroad was beyond my wildest imagination either. Yes I've dreamt of studying in UK,Egypt or South Korea even (blame it on my once Kpop obsession) but to actually have the chance I am beyond speechless. Alhamdulillah.

This month I went to Singapore for a Model United Nations conference.

My former teacher called me and told me that my school innovation project was chosen to represent Malaysia to go to China and will be presented in Beijing this March.

When I finished my secondary school,I was awarded Best Student for Academic  curriculum activities for representing my school in various level,national and international.

Does my life looks perfect to you?

Smart,secured a scholarship to study abroad,studied in a boarding school and etc?

Ha ha ha.

I get this a lot honestly. People come and tell me they are jealous of me.Like why would you be jealous of a loser like me?

What most people don't know that I'm not as happy as I appeared to people.

I cried by myself,alone a lot.I fucked up and messed up with my life a lot.I got betrayed countless times before.I'm not beautiful by society standard.My family despise me.Friends? What a joke.Boyfriend?Don't even mention it.(though this is not my priority because boys suck)

Even the teacher in my school hate me.

I have no one I can turn to whenever I feel down.I only have God.I cried myself to sleep.My nightmares keeps me from sleeping peacefully though most night I just can't sleep and just stare at the ceiling for hours.

My point is don't be fooled by one's 'perangai'.

He/she can be crazy happy in front of you but that's probably only his/her mask.

I rarely open to person about my insecurities and never told any soul about my sadness (except now that I've mentioned it in my blog though)

Whenever I started to feel down and tak bersyukur like " whylah I'm not Khazanah scholar" I'll remember that at least I still got a scholarship.

"Whylah all my friends did all kind of bullshits to me even though I was kind to them?".I'll remember that this is what makes me stronger now,bullshit-proof.

I hope that we'll remember that no one is perfect in this life.We all are human beings means that we are still vulnerable to all kind bullshits,we can feel down sometimes.What we see are not necessarily the truth because eyes can be deceiving and  most of the times we often hide our sadness to ourselves.

Whenever I look back my life I am very grateful for what The Almighty have set for me.I might have fucked up my life several times but there is still a lot of good things happen in my life and I sincerely hope will still going to happen in the future.




Till then,
XOXO

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